Tips for Better Communication
One tool I often teach couples is called NVC. The basic steps include:
1) Make observations without judgment or criticism, such as “I sense you are very worried about our child right now.”
2) Identify your own true feelings at that point, such as anxiety, anger, fear, frustration, guilt, dread, etc.
3) Connect the feeling to a personal need, For example, if you feel tense, you may have a need to relax.
4) Make a very clear request (not a demand) about your needs, such as “I hear you’re worried about our child. Right now I feel tense and I need to calm down. Would you be willing to wait until we’ve finished dinner to continue this discussion?”
You can read more on this in the article 12 Steps to Recovered Relationships…
For more information, see Marshall Rosenberg’s work on Non-Violent Communication.